The Best Thing a Guy Said on a Date

Plus, 10 things we loved about Big Salad's first year!!!!!!!!

Joanna Goddard

and

Kaitlyn Teer

Sep 13, 2024

268

Hi loves!!!

We are so excited to celebrate Big Salad’s first birthday. Wild that it’s been a year since our first issue. “I’m happy and proud and amazed,” wrote a reader named Jeanne. “I'm anthropomorphizing Big Salad as if it’s a kid who has suddenly become a tall preteen.”

Next week, we’re doing a fun live chat for paid subscribers on Thursday, September 19th. What would you like to talk about?! Feel free to leave requests/questions in the comments. Once, before a first date, a guy said, “I’m curious to see how your mouth moves when you talk.” If you, too, are curious about that, now is the time to find out lol.

We’re also planning a huge giveaway of my own favorite things, including buttery soft shoes and a rosy blush that makes you look like you just came in from a brisk walk — I think you’re going to love them! We’ll reveal them (and you can enter) in our anniversary issue, which will land in paid subscribers’ inboxes next Friday, September 20th.

Most of all, we’re so happy to have this wonderful Big Salad community. “The newsletter feels intimate and comforting after a long week,” wrote a reader named Linh, and Christina added: “It’s like spending time with good friends.” We couldn’t agree more.

I’ve been especially grateful for the space to write about dating in my 40s. Since the essays are behind a paywall — and therefore my kids and neighbors won’t stumble upon them online — I can write more openly about my jittery first date, what it felt like to have sex for the first time since divorce, and my #1 rule for dating.

As always, readers leave such insightful comments. “Maybe it’s true that someone is only as attractive as their worst profile picture,” commented Abbey. “But it’s also true that if you look at their best picture, and multiply their attractiveness by 10, you will get an idea of how dreamy they’ll look if you happen to fall in love.” Sobbbb.

I also liked the reader question, “How would you describe your ideal partner in three words?” My three were kind, enthusiastic and funny (alternates: sexy, cook and mustachioed) — and I’m curious, what would yours be?

Another thing I wanted to share this week is a very sweet thing a guy said on a date. I like to move pretty slowly, physically, and he was aware of that. Then, on our third date, at my place around midnight, I asked him if he wanted to stay over. He hesitated, so I added that of course he didn’t have to — and his answer made me want to cheer. “Oh, I definitely want to stay,” he told me. “I just wanted to make sure you didn’t feel pressured because it’s late. I was looking for enthusiastic consent, or even one level more than that, like, change-your-life consent.” We both laughed and omg I felt so much hope for the world in that moment!

Thank you again for being here, and we’re looking forward to an epic next year. And a huge round of applause for Big Salad’s lead editor, Kaitlyn, who has brought her deep thought and talent to this newsletter.

Joanna

This year, Big Salad published 30+ interviews featuring people like Caroline Chambers, Phoebe Robinson, and Catherine Newman revealing their top movies, jeans, recipes, career advice, books, life hacks, lipsticks, and pleasures.

Knowing your preferences isn’t always easy. Ashley C. Ford shared how hard it was, as an adult, to figure out what she actually liked: “For a long time, I thought it was a superpower to not have preferences. When you grow up in poverty, there’s nothing in your mind that says, Even though I can’t get these things, I’m still worthy of them.”

Ashley practiced listening to her body: “I had to sit still and ask myself, When I want something, how do I know? What does my body actually feel like?” The journey was challenging but worth it. “The fact that I can name my preferences now brings me so much joy,” she says. “You have never seen someone in their late 30s so excited to know which seat they want on a plane!”

“Finding things on the internet is a specialty of mine,” says Cleveland-based journalist Simone Kitchens, who tipped us off to these beautiful HAY jugs. As for home decor, “our Ohio home was built in the 1920s, and Noguchi lamps work for the house,” she told us. “But they work in every house. That’s the point.” She’s also pinpointed the best travel shoes and gentle TV shows.

Filmmaker (and Cup of Jo alum!) Stella Blackmon told us about traveling solo to Paris and finding her dream dress in a vintage shop run by gossip-y French friends. We also put together two magical Paris itineraries, as well as mini guides to Seattle, Chicago and Philadelphia.

Many people we interviewed shared life advice. “On my gravestone, I hope it says, ‘She was a helper, and she laughed,’” says historian Abbey Nova. And I often think about her approach to anxiety: “My therapist once said to me, ‘What if it’s easy?’ which has become a motto to remind myself to stop catastrophizing.”

Finally, in our comedy issue, author Samantha Irby urges us all to be unapologetic about the things we like, no matter how uncool or basic. If “some smarty-pants makes fun of the John Grisham novel poking out of my backpack,” Samantha says, she just looks them in the eye and say, “I like it! I like it a lot!” — which “swipes their legs out from under them every single time.”

On that note, one of our favorite issues featured readers sharing favorite things, including a party icebreaker, the nicest way to pick someone up at the airport, and a romantic TV show. We love you, and this year has been a joy.

During interviews, people will often surprise us, like when Anne Helen Petersen told us she lives full-time in a cabin on a rural island in Washington with her partner and two dogs. “There’s no real grocery store on the island, so our pantry is stocked with cans of beans and giant olive oils from Costco,” she said. Anne gave us a tour of her book-filled cabin, and it’s amazing (especially her bedroom).

The most dramatic of our tours, however, might have been Abbey Nova’s garden makeover — check out the before-and-after!

During our interview with Tembe Denton-Hurst, she told us that her fiancé surprised her by proposing at their favorite bookstore. Here’s the sweet story, and they’re getting married this month.

Finally, our beloved graphic designer Diana Moss showed us her tradition of taking a family selfie on the same beach every year. “It started with just my husband and me, then I was pregnant, then our son was there, then our daughter joined us,” she said. “It spans 12 years and chokes me up every time we take a new one.”

“There’s something deep about throwing yourself a party.” — Natasha Pickowicz

“Careers ebb and flow, and it’s never too late to take that terrifying leap into the thing that excites you.” — Hopie Stockman Hill

“I am so over being picky about my body. I have arms for hugging and legs for swimming.” — Catherine Newman

“As a small business owner, I’ve developed a fearless approach to reaching out to people. The worst that can happen is someone says no.” — Shannon Maldonado

“My grandmother told me, ‘If you try on a dress and don’t immediately want to parade out of the dressing room and show everybody, just take it off and forget about it.’ This advice isn’t just about a dress — don’t try to force something that doesn’t feel right.” — Bess Kalb

“No one thinks about you more than you think about yourself.” — Peyton Dix