Pretty Pajamas, Career Advice, and How to Not Be Touchstarved

Writer Erica Chidi shares 10 favorite things and her romantic proposal story.

Hi! How is your week? My mom is visiting this weekend, which is always a treat.

For today’s issue, we talked to Erica Chidi, a health educator, writer, and strategist. (You may remember her beauty uniform and advice on pregnancy and sex.) Erica now writes the newsletter Soft Boundaries, which she describes as “a gentle space to help you explore the boundaries of your inner world.”

She lives in Los Angeles with her fiancée and feels excited to be approaching 40. “I was a late bloomer and came out at 33. I’m happy to be engaged to a woman I love so much,” she told us. “I think this is the best phase yet — I feel like I can take care of myself in a way that I really couldn’t before.”

Here, Erica shares her romantic proposal story, plus three podcasts, the best thing about strength training, and how she finally got super soft skin…

1. Career advice: Don’t feel like you have to take a chartered path. I went to culinary school, then studied art history, then worked in fashion PR, then became a doula. In every new context, my old skills kept bringing me more opportunities, which was really beautiful. If you make sure that every step of the path fills you with joy and curiosity, and you give it your all, you’ll always get something back, even if you don’t know exactly where you’ll end up.

2. Sweatpants: I love New Zealand-based Entire Studios, especially their heavy sweatpants. They drape beautifully and hold up over time. My favorite color is the washed black — it goes with everything but still has depth.

3. Furniture: At home, I unwind in this cozy reading area. The chair-pouf combo is from Pottery Barn Teen — they make great furniture for petite people. I’m 5’2” on a good day, so I need small things.

4. Health: Many of us are touch-starved. Even in romantic relationships, we can feel undernourished. We may be busy, on our phones, or just anxious and overwhelmed. Touch doesn’t have to be sexual — it can be as simple as holding hands, crossing your legs over someone else’s legs, or sharing a long hug with a friend in the middle of the day. The feeling of a counterweight of somebody else's body against yours is so powerful and brings us back into our bodies. In a world that continues to disconnect us, prioritizing touch feels like an act of resistance. If you’re feeling lonely today, ask for a hug, ask to hold a hand. We all deserve this. (I was recently interviewed about touch for this beautiful book.)

5. Pajamas: I love the white cotton bloomers and tops by Cou Cou Intimates. They’re clean, classic, and romantic.

6. Playlists: I make ‘micro-playlists’ with just a few songs, meant to be played on a loop. I find them super potent but not intimidating to create. Some represent a time period or style of music, and others are geared toward certain activities, like working out or contemplative walking. I’m also starting vocal lessons again, which I haven’t done in 20 years.

7. Skincare: I’m LOVING Nécessaire’s ceramide body cream. It’s their heaviest cream, and it’s unscented. I’ve always had dry skin, but now every time people touch my arm they’re like, it’s so soft! I’m like, it’s this!

8. Dinner: My favorite recipe is a one-pot miso chicken with ginger and scallions, which I make in my rice cooker. People sleep on a rice cooker! Not only does it perfectly cook rice, but it keeps it warm for a long time. And the Heath Ceramics serving bowl is my go-to for soups, salads, pasta, everything.

9. Simple pleasure: I try to lift weights every day for 10-15 minutes. My favorite simple exercise is carrying two 20-pound kettlebells up and down the stairs. One of the greatest benefits is feeling independent when traveling; I can lift heavy suitcases on my own, which makes me feel empowered and capable.

10. Travel essentials: My sound machine is based on the original sound machine technology, the one that started it all! Also, two suitcases or bust — that way packing isn’t stressful, and I bring everything I need.

Before my fiancée, Vatana, and I got engaged, she told me it was really important to her to be proposed to, which I loved and wanted to support.

One morning, we were lying in bed on a lazy Sunday beneath blue linen sheets. She said, “It feels like we’re in a cenote.” She explained to me cenotes are deep natural pools in Mexico and other parts of the world. At that moment, I thought, okay, I’m going to propose to her in a cenote.

Later, we went on a trip in Mexico, and I arranged for us to tour a cenote with a photographer. My partner is a music agent and had to take a work call, so I went down into the cenote first, which was perfect because when she came down, I was waiting to propose. Oh my god, it was such a great moment, because I totally got her. She had no idea, and it was so sweet.

We’re not sure whether we’ll elope or plan a wedding, but for now, we’re just really loving our engagement.

Here, Erica shares three podcasts she listens to regularly…

1. Reveal: In Reveal, Al Letson does incredible investigative journalism, like his three-part series, Forty Acres and a Lie, about land that was promised to formerly enslaved people.

2. On the Media: On the Media discusses the making of the week’s news: what are the sources, the biases, the larger story? I feel robustly informed when I listen.

3. Hidden Brain: Shankar Vedantam’s Hidden Brain is an insightful podcast about human behavior. I found his episode on emptiness to be incredibly powerful.

In her past life as a doula, Erica attended hundreds of births. We’ve never forgotten this insight she told us back in 2017:

“We need to stop using the term ‘natural birth.’ The concept of natural birth is divisive and inherently competitive. All birth is natural. It’s as simple as that. If you want to have the intense sensations of labor and you’re coping well, go for it! If you have a hard time with pain or you have bad associations from trauma, that’s totally okay. You have the inherent right to choose how you want to navigate your birth experience, and those choices should be free of judgment. You should be celebrated for moving through the process of pregnancy and birth, however it unfolds, unmedicated, medicated or cesarean. THERE IS NO UNNATURAL BIRTH. It’s all natural.”

Erica, thank you so much — you’re wonderful.

This week, I hosted a fun live conversation with poet Kate Baer. We chatted about misophonia, saggy boobs, turning 40, and writing honestly about marriage and motherhood. If you missed it, you can watch the recording here. xoxo

1. Ochuko Akpovbovbo's Apartment in Germany Will Boost Your Mood. “Everyone is sort of a literary babe these days.”

2. 10 Fun Things I’ve Noticed in Brooklyn. Including nail polish, dogs, and a beautiful way to love people.

3. Julia Turshen on the Joy of Powerlifting. “You stand up in a room full of people, while wearing a singlet, and show them how strong you are.”

newyorkercartoons

A post shared by @newyorkercartoons

1. Guess Who Was on Jeopardy? Last night, my phone started buzzing...

2. The Best, Simplest Dessert at a Dinner Party. We felt like little kids.

3. My Paris Packing List. The 12 pieces I'm bringing in my carry-on.

4. 8 Readers Share What They Love About Their Looks. Tearing up. xo

(Note: If you buy something through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission or have a sponsored relationship with the brand, at no cost to you. We recommend only products we genuinely like. Thank you so much.)

Thank you for reading! Coming up next, per reader request: my strategy for finding the best Airbnbs and vacation rentals. Plus, a bunch that I’ve stayed in. xoxo