After a terminal cancer diagnosis last year at 46 while a single mom to 15, 12 and 9 year olds, so much became a simple pleasure, even the chores. Croissants with pistachio creme, my teen letting me cuddle him, buying my daughter’s first grown party dress, division homework, after school snacks, when my kids see me in the stands watching them play sports, silly movies with my mom. Everything that used to be a “have-to-do” became a “get-to-do”. The bittersweet lesson of my life.
Thank you. I can only hope that just one person who reads these words will reconsider how they frame their life, and adopt changes in perspective without having to endure the painful reality of the circumstances that forced me to learn this.
I am 100% sure there will come a day when I will be consumed by the wish that I could wash and fold their small clothes again. Or fish through their backpack for a missing glove. Or spend way too much money on sweets at the movies.
Lastly, I will say that pre-cancer, I too yearned for time alone without demands from other people like any normal woman/mother/sister/friend/daughter/etc. Now, I yearn for no time alone; rather, for all my hours to include those I love most…and all their needs.
Thank you for sharing. When my husband was diagnosed with a terminal cancer, we started "forcing joy." In the midst of surgeries, radiation, and doctor's appointments, we always managed to take a moment to find a tiny bit of joy (like the "ass pillow" he sat on that we found hilarious or singing karaoke off-key in the car).
I also just came here to say...Anne Lamott and Joanna!!! This made me tear up and feel like this must be a good sign for 2025. Both of you, with constant steady writing, have walked along with me on my way.
I live near Anne Lamott and one time I saw her in line at the movies. I turned to her and said “excuse me, are you Annie”? She said yes and I said “I am so grateful for you!” And it was awkward and perfect.
The peninsula bite!!! I love so much. I’m co-opting it. My teen daughters and I have a pretend YouTube channel where we talk in “that” voice while making / cleaning up after dinner. “Hey guys, welcome back to my channel, today we’re going to be talking about the coolest way to unload the dishwasher…”
omg Anne Lamott! I live in Marin and apparently she used to live on my street (a small dead end street in San Rafael). My friend lives in her old apartment and still gets random junk mail delivered to her there.
Omg Joanna. I could care less about celebrity sightings but the ONE TIME I freaked out was when I saw Anne Lamott a few years ago at a 4th of July parade in the small Bay Area town we both lived in. She was walking toward me and when I realized who it was I just stopped in my tracks and started at her. She caught me and smiled and I just said, “oh my god I love you.” She was very gracious about it. After that I suddenly saw her all the time, in the shops, paying for parking… it was such a highlight of my time in that area.
Here to say I was visiting Brooklyn over the holidays, and my husband and I went to Inga's for burgers as recommended by Alison in her Big Salad issue. At the table next to ours sat a woman whose bag was hanging open enough that I could see her travel bottle of Weleda Skin Food. The Cup Of Jo ladies were OUT that night!!!
V Impressed you had the presence of mind to have a quippy exchange with Anne Lamott that turned into a real conversation!! I would have 100% fumbled that ball. 😂
Tell me more about the knitting counter you wear around your neck! A friend of mine just started knitting and I'd love to gift it to her. I know NOTHING about knitting, so choosing one on my own feels like throwing darts blindfolded.
Hi Joi! A fellow knitter chiming in here. This one by Clover is kind of the standard counter. Looks like you can add your own cord or ribbon if you want to wear it for handy access.
Oh how I needed this today in my new year/post vacation/pre trump existential tail spin. Good to be reminded to strive for wholeness, not perfection or total happiness. It's hard when the road is bumpy to remember that it won't always be like this, and it's comforting to know that other people are going through it (and surviving!) too. Hugs to everyone who needs one, I know I do.
Also OMG re: Anne Lamott, talk about a good omen for 2025!
I went to an Anne Lamott reading years ago, and when she signed my book, she complemented me on my necklace and we had a little conversation about it and I'll treasure that moment until my dying day.
What a beautiful list! Thanks for including my baby holding one of my other favorite babies. ♥️ And excited about Aminatou! Her IG stores have been a balm this holiday. Happy new year to you all COJ!
After a terminal cancer diagnosis last year at 46 while a single mom to 15, 12 and 9 year olds, so much became a simple pleasure, even the chores. Croissants with pistachio creme, my teen letting me cuddle him, buying my daughter’s first grown party dress, division homework, after school snacks, when my kids see me in the stands watching them play sports, silly movies with my mom. Everything that used to be a “have-to-do” became a “get-to-do”. The bittersweet lesson of my life.
Your reframing of “have-to-dos”
is tremendously powerful. Thank you for sharing. 💕
Thank you. I can only hope that just one person who reads these words will reconsider how they frame their life, and adopt changes in perspective without having to endure the painful reality of the circumstances that forced me to learn this.
I am 100% sure there will come a day when I will be consumed by the wish that I could wash and fold their small clothes again. Or fish through their backpack for a missing glove. Or spend way too much money on sweets at the movies.
Lastly, I will say that pre-cancer, I too yearned for time alone without demands from other people like any normal woman/mother/sister/friend/daughter/etc. Now, I yearn for no time alone; rather, for all my hours to include those I love most…and all their needs.
Thank you for sharing. When my husband was diagnosed with a terminal cancer, we started "forcing joy." In the midst of surgeries, radiation, and doctor's appointments, we always managed to take a moment to find a tiny bit of joy (like the "ass pillow" he sat on that we found hilarious or singing karaoke off-key in the car).
Sending lots of love 💗
I also just came here to say...Anne Lamott and Joanna!!! This made me tear up and feel like this must be a good sign for 2025. Both of you, with constant steady writing, have walked along with me on my way.
Me too!!! The photo and the lovely all-caps freakout filled me with joy!
I live near Anne Lamott and one time I saw her in line at the movies. I turned to her and said “excuse me, are you Annie”? She said yes and I said “I am so grateful for you!” And it was awkward and perfect.
Lol, I did this to Catherine Newman at a burger bar here in W. Mass a few summers ago, when I was new
to the area. Love Anne and Catherine both!
The peninsula bite!!! I love so much. I’m co-opting it. My teen daughters and I have a pretend YouTube channel where we talk in “that” voice while making / cleaning up after dinner. “Hey guys, welcome back to my channel, today we’re going to be talking about the coolest way to unload the dishwasher…”
I love that. My five year old will proclaim, “this episode of a Philly is called, seatbelt,” a la Bluey and it is my favorite thing.
Anne Lamott! Amazing. Have you read her column in WaPo on aging? It's so good.
Also re: bumper stickers, my husband got me one for Christmas that says "Don't Honk If You're Introverted." I love it so much haha
omg Anne Lamott! I live in Marin and apparently she used to live on my street (a small dead end street in San Rafael). My friend lives in her old apartment and still gets random junk mail delivered to her there.
Omg Anne Lamott!!!! So impressed you talked so coherently to her. I would have been too star struck to say anything.
Omg Joanna. I could care less about celebrity sightings but the ONE TIME I freaked out was when I saw Anne Lamott a few years ago at a 4th of July parade in the small Bay Area town we both lived in. She was walking toward me and when I realized who it was I just stopped in my tracks and started at her. She caught me and smiled and I just said, “oh my god I love you.” She was very gracious about it. After that I suddenly saw her all the time, in the shops, paying for parking… it was such a highlight of my time in that area.
Here to say I was visiting Brooklyn over the holidays, and my husband and I went to Inga's for burgers as recommended by Alison in her Big Salad issue. At the table next to ours sat a woman whose bag was hanging open enough that I could see her travel bottle of Weleda Skin Food. The Cup Of Jo ladies were OUT that night!!!
Best secret club in the world!! I hope you whispered the COJ secret password as you passed her ("Brooklyn 99", obv)
Hahahaha love these
V Impressed you had the presence of mind to have a quippy exchange with Anne Lamott that turned into a real conversation!! I would have 100% fumbled that ball. 😂
Tell me more about the knitting counter you wear around your neck! A friend of mine just started knitting and I'd love to gift it to her. I know NOTHING about knitting, so choosing one on my own feels like throwing darts blindfolded.
Hi Joi! A fellow knitter chiming in here. This one by Clover is kind of the standard counter. Looks like you can add your own cord or ribbon if you want to wear it for handy access.
https://www.knitpicks.com/mini-kacha-kacha-row-counter/p/82690
Here’s another version. This brand, Cocoknits, has a lot of beautiful knitting tools.
https://cocoknits.com/collections/tools/products/knitting-row-counter
Thank you! This is so helpful! I really appreciate you sharing
Oh how I needed this today in my new year/post vacation/pre trump existential tail spin. Good to be reminded to strive for wholeness, not perfection or total happiness. It's hard when the road is bumpy to remember that it won't always be like this, and it's comforting to know that other people are going through it (and surviving!) too. Hugs to everyone who needs one, I know I do.
Also OMG re: Anne Lamott, talk about a good omen for 2025!
FALLING IN LOVE! Agree.
I went to an Anne Lamott reading years ago, and when she signed my book, she complemented me on my necklace and we had a little conversation about it and I'll treasure that moment until my dying day.
What a beautiful list! Thanks for including my baby holding one of my other favorite babies. ♥️ And excited about Aminatou! Her IG stores have been a balm this holiday. Happy new year to you all COJ!
omg the selfie with Anne Lamott is so wholesome :)